"Whoever said sunlight brings forth happiness has never danced in the rain" Author unknown
There are days where I wish I could be a 6 or 8 year old boy. My 2 sons tonight were laughing hysterically. You know that kind of laugh where you just can't get control of yourself- the belly is rolling, your voice is hissing, your eyes are watering. And, from the simplest things...mostly body noises...or even saying the word fart or burp...and then if you add words together even if they don't make sense- "fartheadblob". And even serious stuff can suddenly become humorous. Tonight we were driving in the truck home from my work day and one of the boys asked how babies were made- they have been challenging me with questions like this more recently- so I went with the "well, your dad gave me something to make the baby." "Did you decide to make a baby?" "Where does it go?" They were satisfied with me simply answering the questions, "Yes, we decide to make the baby" (actually that is another story but I really thank God for deciding to make my baby) and "it goes in my belly". So end of story... quickly the laughing started because they want 4 other siblings...no, 8 to make a basketball team than dad and I could be the coaches...no, why not a total of 22 so we could have football teams against one another...and now the house has 22 rooms, 22 ATVs, 22 microwaves, and lots of junk food because grown ups like healthy food and kids like junk food. Lots of laughs and great, fun imaginations. They end their night with teeth brushing- even with brushing their teeth they are giggling. And finally as they lay down to bed, we pray...as the prayer gets longer, small giggles emerge until the control can be held no longer. And what surprises me, is with some nice deep breaths, they fall fast asleep with smiles on their faces.
"Whoever said sunshine brings forth happiness has never danced in the rain"- author unknown
I know not every day can be that joyous. And sometimes in life, we think life has to be that obviously full of laughter to be good. My motto in life has always been "it's all about balance"...we are not only human but being.
With my dad's cancer diagnosis, I have noticed this as well. It has now been confirmed as Stage IV Lung cancer (nonsmoker- hate that people ask that as their first question) already metastasized to his brain. He will be getting some "palliative" radiation and chemotherapy. His life expectancy is for as long as his body is willing to continue to fight this. Right now, you would not know this by looking at Russ. His "performance status" (fancy name for how he is functioning) is awesome- he really hasn't missed a beat besides a cough and a little headache. In spite of all the chaos this past week and the weeks/months to come, our family as well as Russ have made so many new discoveries. We have done more talking than I think we have in a life time. I've learned more things about Russ, who he is, what his life has been like, and what legacy he wishes to leave behind. He worries he may be "saying too much" but I hope the words keep coming and I tell him this. He loves email- luep@msn.com send him best wishes! When asked on a recent survey how he would describe himself he said "outgoing" and "positive". I agree. Such a strong and proud man.
"Whoever said sunshine brings forth happiness has never danced in the rain"- author unknown
I discovered it is ok to be sad, feel guilty, have anger but not to become overwhelmed with it for I might miss out on opportunities of "dancing in the rain". And as I sit here and reminisce, I can recall hearing my dad say "good morning sunshine" each day I stumbled out to the kitchen for breakfast(yes, if you were a teenage girl, you would have groaned at it too)but now I know...he is my sunshine too.
Thank you Froedtert Hospital for displaying that beautiful quote for me to think about.
Love,
Paula
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Cancer sucks.
I am just waking up. Todd went off to school/his work day. It's a different kind of hump day. We have a new president. I wasn't able to watch much of what happened yesterday as it was my long work day- the 8 to 8...what always turns out to be 9 shift. I read his speech on line though. It must have been hard to speak some of those words but I can imagine he spoke it with passion and confidence. He holds himself well. He is such an iconic symbol of everything that embodies the U.S. of A. I am proud to see what our country has accomplished. To me, oh, I have such a hard time with our government. I hope we can all ride on the importance of that achievement and work toward a better world. I hope the people actually heard that it will take more than him to succeed with that.
I guess I have heard the theory...we all have cancer cells. They are just waiting for an opportunity. Some allow them to grow by feeding them with nicotine. Some with stress. Others with processed foods. I've gotten a little crazy lately. I took to heart a woman's words regarding microwaves and the avoidance of them. I'm eating lots of raw veggies and fruits. I exercise. I make attempts at de-stressing. But I know there is a lot of work to do toward the prevention of allowing those cells to mutate and take over. Why, this laptop in front of me...who knows what it is doing?
I have been around a lot of people with cancer in my life. I have diagnosed it. I had a grandfather who passed from esophageal cancer. But never has it been closer than this past week. My step Dad, Russ has been diagnosed with it. He has had a cough. He has never been a smoker. The docs have put him through a ton of tests and a biopsy from his mediastinum has confirmed it. He has some PET and CT scans to do this week. That will help determine what his choices are.
I set an intention this year of "gratitude". My intention now has a focus. The one person in my life who has deserved more gratitude than I have ever been able to give him.
My biological father I have not seen since I was 9, I think. It was my birthday and he gave me a light bright. My mother divorced him a couple years prior. When Russ and my mom got married in 1979...I remember the year from the grandfather clock they built and had the date inscribed, it still charms every 15 minutes in their living room...Russ formally adopted my sisters and I. Our last names were even changed on our birth certificates. So even though I was born into this world a Podlipsky, that legally looks like it never happened. Their wedding took place in a circuit court and the celebration was held at the Mitchell Domes. My sisters and mom lived near there for a couple years after the divorce. We moved to Butler...you can see our old townhouse right by the highway. Russ was working there at the time. I barely remember anything about that place. It was like my life was a blur. I know I went to St. Agnes school. I am assuming it was not for a long time because I don't remember 1 person- teacher, no clue. Friends, don't think so. So then it was off to West Bend. We bought the house that Russ had once lived in. I was sent to St. Francis Cabrini. I remember being the new kid, the school year had already started. They welcomed me...I swear there was even cheering. I really loved the school. Our house and neighborhood was nice. This is where I would spend my time until I moved out with Todd when I was 21.
I can't imagine what it is like to be a step dad other than I was not a nice step daughter. I think about this now that my son is 8. How would it be for him if suddenly one of his parents he would never see again? So, I don't blame myself for having a hard time adjusting. I just didn't think that adjustment would last into my 20s. There were times I was able to see clearly who Russ was...a good man who was taking care of us...but through confusion, hormones, and just pure disrespect, I didn't see it often.
They say your brain does not fully develop until you are 25. That makes a lot of sense to me. That is the year Todd and I married. I recall the way Russ looked at me on that day and suddenly realized how much he was the reason I was standing there that day. He was so proud.
I look back now and think of the good times. He laughs at me for always knowing what presents I was going to get on Christmas day...it was not hard to do. My mom would hide the presents (from Santa) in the downstairs. My favorite year...a cowboy hat, a snoopy and woodstock stuffed animal, a beanbag, and fluffy Pjs. Each present was opened with care since I already knew what they were.
I was allowed to participate in whatever activities I wished. Both my parents were hard full time workers. We lived in the "country" and so I am sure travel, pick up, schedules with 3 daughters - wow! I am dying now and my kids are only 8 and 6.
My bedroom was my haven and Russ knew it so he made it special. He handcrafted a bed with shelving for awards, pictures, and knickknack stuff. And a corkboard so that I could hang my posters of Michael Jackson, Ratt, and Duran Duran. Though my closet was small, it had several drawers custom built and several levels to hang clothes on. And bonus about this room, though that bonus would be discovered later in life was that the window was perfectly placed right on top of the roof...a perfect escape route that was safe and easy! I remember talking with Todd on the phone (this would have been in 8th grade...wow how life hasn't changed!) when I looked out that small window to see Mark Vogeli and Kraig Sadownikow on the roof peering inside!
(OK, so quick side note, I also remember babysitting on a New years Eve. I must have been "going out" with Kraig at the time. We were talking on the phone at midnight. He lived just down the way from where I was babysitting in my neighborhood. He told me to look out the window and was flexing his muscles to me...funny how quickly my mind can flash back to stuff like that.)
Then there was the car. The Mustang I got when I turned 16. Not many kids can say they had their own car. I remember the day perfectly. Russ and mom told me they wanted to take me for a ride. Immediately (boy was I rotten) I knew it was a car. As we were in the car, I was asking what kind and imaging only the best...my friend Schwei had this 2 seater Mazda type thing...ewwww. They told me I was crazy and I finally settled with "fine, as long as it is not green." They both whipped around to look at me in the back seat and said in unison "how did you know?" and just as they said that showed me they me what they had purchased. A green with tan top Mustang. I don't know the year but it was the one Ford did not come out with the cool mustangs. Oh well, it was fast, had a great radio, and found the ditch a lovely place to spend much of it's time. Needless to say when the driver instructor who passed me for my license instructed Russ I was going to pass but needed more instruction, he was right. And that is the other story about Russ I love...he taught me how to drive. I think we both hold the "most ticket awards" in our house. And I am still not quite sure why "learning to drive backwards is as important as learning to drive forward." If you ever drove by in the late 80's on a Sunday at the MPTC parking lot and saw a car driving around backwards, that was Russ and I.
I will go on about this Luepnitz driving instruction class because if I ever need to laugh, I remember this day. Russ took me out to learn how to parallel park. I pulled up next to a car...oh so close. You could barely fit a piece of paper between the 2 cars. He told me to start over. I did not like this and so we argued finally I said, "you drive". He proceeded to try to open the door so he could get into the drivers seat. I giggled while I scooted over to the passenger seat from inside the car. He got stuck a few times but managed to push his way through. I had a smile on the whole way home. Mean... yes, gratifying...absolutely. How his blood must have been boiling.
There are so many stories- trips our west, camping. This is were I developed my passion for nature.
As I reflect, I am grateful. My life is...because of what it was. And Russ, through good and bad times, has been a part of that. I told him he is bull headed enough to beat this cancer. He claims I am bull headed too...he is right...the apple does not fall far from the tree...and though that tree may have borrowed a seed to produce it, it provided all the nourishment that was needed.
I love you Russ and thank you so much for all you have done and look forward to continuing this journey of life together. May you feel God's presence and the love of your family and friends with you through every step of the way.
Namaste in every sense of the word,
Paula
I guess I have heard the theory...we all have cancer cells. They are just waiting for an opportunity. Some allow them to grow by feeding them with nicotine. Some with stress. Others with processed foods. I've gotten a little crazy lately. I took to heart a woman's words regarding microwaves and the avoidance of them. I'm eating lots of raw veggies and fruits. I exercise. I make attempts at de-stressing. But I know there is a lot of work to do toward the prevention of allowing those cells to mutate and take over. Why, this laptop in front of me...who knows what it is doing?
I have been around a lot of people with cancer in my life. I have diagnosed it. I had a grandfather who passed from esophageal cancer. But never has it been closer than this past week. My step Dad, Russ has been diagnosed with it. He has had a cough. He has never been a smoker. The docs have put him through a ton of tests and a biopsy from his mediastinum has confirmed it. He has some PET and CT scans to do this week. That will help determine what his choices are.
I set an intention this year of "gratitude". My intention now has a focus. The one person in my life who has deserved more gratitude than I have ever been able to give him.
My biological father I have not seen since I was 9, I think. It was my birthday and he gave me a light bright. My mother divorced him a couple years prior. When Russ and my mom got married in 1979...I remember the year from the grandfather clock they built and had the date inscribed, it still charms every 15 minutes in their living room...Russ formally adopted my sisters and I. Our last names were even changed on our birth certificates. So even though I was born into this world a Podlipsky, that legally looks like it never happened. Their wedding took place in a circuit court and the celebration was held at the Mitchell Domes. My sisters and mom lived near there for a couple years after the divorce. We moved to Butler...you can see our old townhouse right by the highway. Russ was working there at the time. I barely remember anything about that place. It was like my life was a blur. I know I went to St. Agnes school. I am assuming it was not for a long time because I don't remember 1 person- teacher, no clue. Friends, don't think so. So then it was off to West Bend. We bought the house that Russ had once lived in. I was sent to St. Francis Cabrini. I remember being the new kid, the school year had already started. They welcomed me...I swear there was even cheering. I really loved the school. Our house and neighborhood was nice. This is where I would spend my time until I moved out with Todd when I was 21.
I can't imagine what it is like to be a step dad other than I was not a nice step daughter. I think about this now that my son is 8. How would it be for him if suddenly one of his parents he would never see again? So, I don't blame myself for having a hard time adjusting. I just didn't think that adjustment would last into my 20s. There were times I was able to see clearly who Russ was...a good man who was taking care of us...but through confusion, hormones, and just pure disrespect, I didn't see it often.
They say your brain does not fully develop until you are 25. That makes a lot of sense to me. That is the year Todd and I married. I recall the way Russ looked at me on that day and suddenly realized how much he was the reason I was standing there that day. He was so proud.
I look back now and think of the good times. He laughs at me for always knowing what presents I was going to get on Christmas day...it was not hard to do. My mom would hide the presents (from Santa) in the downstairs. My favorite year...a cowboy hat, a snoopy and woodstock stuffed animal, a beanbag, and fluffy Pjs. Each present was opened with care since I already knew what they were.
I was allowed to participate in whatever activities I wished. Both my parents were hard full time workers. We lived in the "country" and so I am sure travel, pick up, schedules with 3 daughters - wow! I am dying now and my kids are only 8 and 6.
My bedroom was my haven and Russ knew it so he made it special. He handcrafted a bed with shelving for awards, pictures, and knickknack stuff. And a corkboard so that I could hang my posters of Michael Jackson, Ratt, and Duran Duran. Though my closet was small, it had several drawers custom built and several levels to hang clothes on. And bonus about this room, though that bonus would be discovered later in life was that the window was perfectly placed right on top of the roof...a perfect escape route that was safe and easy! I remember talking with Todd on the phone (this would have been in 8th grade...wow how life hasn't changed!) when I looked out that small window to see Mark Vogeli and Kraig Sadownikow on the roof peering inside!
(OK, so quick side note, I also remember babysitting on a New years Eve. I must have been "going out" with Kraig at the time. We were talking on the phone at midnight. He lived just down the way from where I was babysitting in my neighborhood. He told me to look out the window and was flexing his muscles to me...funny how quickly my mind can flash back to stuff like that.)
Then there was the car. The Mustang I got when I turned 16. Not many kids can say they had their own car. I remember the day perfectly. Russ and mom told me they wanted to take me for a ride. Immediately (boy was I rotten) I knew it was a car. As we were in the car, I was asking what kind and imaging only the best...my friend Schwei had this 2 seater Mazda type thing...ewwww. They told me I was crazy and I finally settled with "fine, as long as it is not green." They both whipped around to look at me in the back seat and said in unison "how did you know?" and just as they said that showed me they me what they had purchased. A green with tan top Mustang. I don't know the year but it was the one Ford did not come out with the cool mustangs. Oh well, it was fast, had a great radio, and found the ditch a lovely place to spend much of it's time. Needless to say when the driver instructor who passed me for my license instructed Russ I was going to pass but needed more instruction, he was right. And that is the other story about Russ I love...he taught me how to drive. I think we both hold the "most ticket awards" in our house. And I am still not quite sure why "learning to drive backwards is as important as learning to drive forward." If you ever drove by in the late 80's on a Sunday at the MPTC parking lot and saw a car driving around backwards, that was Russ and I.
I will go on about this Luepnitz driving instruction class because if I ever need to laugh, I remember this day. Russ took me out to learn how to parallel park. I pulled up next to a car...oh so close. You could barely fit a piece of paper between the 2 cars. He told me to start over. I did not like this and so we argued finally I said, "you drive". He proceeded to try to open the door so he could get into the drivers seat. I giggled while I scooted over to the passenger seat from inside the car. He got stuck a few times but managed to push his way through. I had a smile on the whole way home. Mean... yes, gratifying...absolutely. How his blood must have been boiling.
There are so many stories- trips our west, camping. This is were I developed my passion for nature.
As I reflect, I am grateful. My life is...because of what it was. And Russ, through good and bad times, has been a part of that. I told him he is bull headed enough to beat this cancer. He claims I am bull headed too...he is right...the apple does not fall far from the tree...and though that tree may have borrowed a seed to produce it, it provided all the nourishment that was needed.
I love you Russ and thank you so much for all you have done and look forward to continuing this journey of life together. May you feel God's presence and the love of your family and friends with you through every step of the way.
Namaste in every sense of the word,
Paula
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Ugg!
It's hump day. Mid week. No school for the kids and my husband tomorrow- too cold. Most importantly it means I still have 3 full days left of my birthday week. My birthday was January 12th. I am now 38. Lance Armstrong was born in 1971. People like Howard Stern, Rush Limbaugh, and Kirstie Alley were born on Jan 12th...what? I suddenly have lost all belief in being Capricorn. The Microprocessor came out in 1971. Walt Disney World Resort in Florida opened. Woman were given the right to vote in Switzerland...in 1971, doesn't that seem a little late?
Todd and I started "birthday week" years ago before kids. I love to celebrate and I love my birthday. i have always been the one to announce my birthday, make my own plans for my birthday. I just have never wanted anyone to forget this momentous day...and I love the attention. So then, just like any person, you want more. And especially as an adult. A lot of times your birthday lands on a day that you are working. And suddenly it is gone before you know it. No way! So when it is my week, I can do whatever I want. Each day since Sunday, I have gotten some type of massage, even from my oldest child. I rarely need to do laundry, kitchen duties. I get to watch what I want on TV. We go out where I want to go. As soon as my kids were savvy enough to understand these benefits, they quickly became fans of the birthday week. And as far as Todd, his demands differ greatly than mine but I surrender.
I felt like my birthday week started on Saturday. I had a fun swim and Zumba workout at the Y. Watched the boys play basketball. Then off to my parents for a visit. My mother in law stopped by to see me. She provided me with a sweet gift...a pair of the most comfortable Ugg slippers. It is official. I wish to appoint her as my Secretary of Comfortable Shoes. She is the best! I'm not sure why they call them Uggs since they are the farthest from that...I would rather see them called Yums. Simply the best. The boys then went to the Lemlers for Sam's Bday and we met up with them later for a nice dinner. Michelle and Rog are always amazing hosts. Pleasant and relaxing.
The start of my actual week was complete joy. Good friends- Kathy, Kelly, and Gini informed me of a gathering that they would pick me up for. Once they arrived, I was instructed to change into PJ's and my gold heels. Not quite what i had in mind. They whisked me off to a wonderful gathering of wine, treats, games, and the Sex in the City movie. I truly was inspired by the generosity of these women's souls. They put so much effort into these couple hours and left an impression that will last a lifetime.
For my birthday, I was greeted at work with cheers. A display of my favorite- hummus and veggies (yes, we like food). I brought the cheese cake and blueberries. I was showered with gifts and cards. I was struck at how well people know me. It made my heart smile. When I went home my boys rushed to the door with flowers and cards, hugs and kisses. We had a family dinner. I pulled out the birthday plate, placed the cake right on top, and handed out the 4 spoons and we dug in!
Tuesday is my long work day. Not a whole lot of celebrating but I do share my birthday with a long time patient. I took her out to lunch at Perkins for some chicken noodle soup. It is so nice to see people out of the clinic setting.
And today...Hump Day. I love this day anyway. I have the day off. I was able to swim, bike, run. I then went to a delightful gathering at the West Bend Country Club. I was asked to talk about "a fresh start to the New year". The absolute bonus was the fact, well there are several....1. Friends were there- Thanks Nikki, Jeanne, and Michelle. 2. I met and heard Karen from naturesgardenspot.com. She is an expert in the field of food. good food, nontoxic food. organics, preparation...she was passionate about what she spoke. I am journeying into becoming a naturalist myself. I was happy to be a part of such a brilliant crowd of women. I received so much good information that I actually was overwhelmed.
My second talk was cancelled (weather) but I was able to drop off the money we made at the party to Chix for a Cause, so watch out ladies, your checks will be deposited soon. They told me they have given over $7,000 in "Gifts of Love" just in the months of Dec and Jan. Way to go!
So I have some days leftof my week. Well, I have years and years left. I am making sure each day is cherished fully. Just as I should do always, each and every day. And though I sit here typing in my Uggs, it was no uggy day to me.
Namaste, I truly do.
Paula
Todd and I started "birthday week" years ago before kids. I love to celebrate and I love my birthday. i have always been the one to announce my birthday, make my own plans for my birthday. I just have never wanted anyone to forget this momentous day...and I love the attention. So then, just like any person, you want more. And especially as an adult. A lot of times your birthday lands on a day that you are working. And suddenly it is gone before you know it. No way! So when it is my week, I can do whatever I want. Each day since Sunday, I have gotten some type of massage, even from my oldest child. I rarely need to do laundry, kitchen duties. I get to watch what I want on TV. We go out where I want to go. As soon as my kids were savvy enough to understand these benefits, they quickly became fans of the birthday week. And as far as Todd, his demands differ greatly than mine but I surrender.
I felt like my birthday week started on Saturday. I had a fun swim and Zumba workout at the Y. Watched the boys play basketball. Then off to my parents for a visit. My mother in law stopped by to see me. She provided me with a sweet gift...a pair of the most comfortable Ugg slippers. It is official. I wish to appoint her as my Secretary of Comfortable Shoes. She is the best! I'm not sure why they call them Uggs since they are the farthest from that...I would rather see them called Yums. Simply the best. The boys then went to the Lemlers for Sam's Bday and we met up with them later for a nice dinner. Michelle and Rog are always amazing hosts. Pleasant and relaxing.
The start of my actual week was complete joy. Good friends- Kathy, Kelly, and Gini informed me of a gathering that they would pick me up for. Once they arrived, I was instructed to change into PJ's and my gold heels. Not quite what i had in mind. They whisked me off to a wonderful gathering of wine, treats, games, and the Sex in the City movie. I truly was inspired by the generosity of these women's souls. They put so much effort into these couple hours and left an impression that will last a lifetime.
For my birthday, I was greeted at work with cheers. A display of my favorite- hummus and veggies (yes, we like food). I brought the cheese cake and blueberries. I was showered with gifts and cards. I was struck at how well people know me. It made my heart smile. When I went home my boys rushed to the door with flowers and cards, hugs and kisses. We had a family dinner. I pulled out the birthday plate, placed the cake right on top, and handed out the 4 spoons and we dug in!
Tuesday is my long work day. Not a whole lot of celebrating but I do share my birthday with a long time patient. I took her out to lunch at Perkins for some chicken noodle soup. It is so nice to see people out of the clinic setting.
And today...Hump Day. I love this day anyway. I have the day off. I was able to swim, bike, run. I then went to a delightful gathering at the West Bend Country Club. I was asked to talk about "a fresh start to the New year". The absolute bonus was the fact, well there are several....1. Friends were there- Thanks Nikki, Jeanne, and Michelle. 2. I met and heard Karen from naturesgardenspot.com. She is an expert in the field of food. good food, nontoxic food. organics, preparation...she was passionate about what she spoke. I am journeying into becoming a naturalist myself. I was happy to be a part of such a brilliant crowd of women. I received so much good information that I actually was overwhelmed.
My second talk was cancelled (weather) but I was able to drop off the money we made at the party to Chix for a Cause, so watch out ladies, your checks will be deposited soon. They told me they have given over $7,000 in "Gifts of Love" just in the months of Dec and Jan. Way to go!
So I have some days leftof my week. Well, I have years and years left. I am making sure each day is cherished fully. Just as I should do always, each and every day. And though I sit here typing in my Uggs, it was no uggy day to me.
Namaste, I truly do.
Paula
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Trinity
I've been contemplating for some time now how to complete my tattoo. Yes, I have one. Funny story. Todd and I both got one on our 1 year anniversary. You see, we were going to get them on our honeymoon while we were in Alaska. We went to the parlor one morning and they were still "sterilizing" but told us they still could if we wanted...that was the 1st warning. When we walked in, posters everywhere of half naked women with tattoos. A sign stating "pierce your ears, pierce your nose, pierce any &$%?*#! thing you want." We walked out after the tour. One year later, we made the trip to Kewaskum. I, feeling romantic, wanted a remembrance of our honeymoon so she detailed a harbor seal along a glacier. Todd walked out with the outline of Wisconsin, a deer, and a pheasant. Now the guys tell me he was thinking of me...the deer is him, the pheasant me. I am not buying it! So now that we have kids, I want to update my tattoo. I often think I want three of something...maybe their initials, maybe somehow their birthstone, maybe words that describe them.
I like threes. I like Todd and the boys. When I decorate...3 candles, 3 pictures, 3 knickknack things...And, sorry, sometimes things take me a little bit to process but it hit me hard today. I was listening to K-love 105.3 and heard this song about God being present in everyone and I know that already but it seemed as if the radio just turned up the volume at that time. And then, I just read that wonderful book The Shack by Young which describes in fantastic detail who God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are (or who we wish them to be). God- the leader, the teacher, the guider, the rule maker, the observer, the pleasure seeker. Jesus- the Savior, the teacher, the reality. Holy Spirit- the feeler. And suddenly I realized why these 3 boys- Todd, Jordan, and Andrew are in my life. They are such life representations of the trinity. I know everyone is. But, for me, it is so nice for it to be so obvious (because I am still learning this stuff!) Todd- the leader, the teacher, the guider, the rule maker, the observer, the pleasure seeker. Jordan- He is going to save the world someday, I am telling you this now (note to God- yes, I am selfish, please don't have it be in the same way though as Jesus. Boy, I am pathetic). Andrew- my spirit. He is my noise maker, he gives me tingles, it's as if he floats through the air.
So my 3, I am so grateful for them. I believe one of the ways I can thank God is to believe and carry out His word in my life to my best ability. However, because I am pretty sure He knows who I am, I wonder if He will at least appreciate the symbols I place on my back? And, yea, yea, yea...of course, I will keep journeying toward His purpose. I've loved the journey so far.
"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts...and ye be thankful."- Colossians 3:15 KJV
Shalom.
Paula
I like threes. I like Todd and the boys. When I decorate...3 candles, 3 pictures, 3 knickknack things...And, sorry, sometimes things take me a little bit to process but it hit me hard today. I was listening to K-love 105.3 and heard this song about God being present in everyone and I know that already but it seemed as if the radio just turned up the volume at that time. And then, I just read that wonderful book The Shack by Young which describes in fantastic detail who God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are (or who we wish them to be). God- the leader, the teacher, the guider, the rule maker, the observer, the pleasure seeker. Jesus- the Savior, the teacher, the reality. Holy Spirit- the feeler. And suddenly I realized why these 3 boys- Todd, Jordan, and Andrew are in my life. They are such life representations of the trinity. I know everyone is. But, for me, it is so nice for it to be so obvious (because I am still learning this stuff!) Todd- the leader, the teacher, the guider, the rule maker, the observer, the pleasure seeker. Jordan- He is going to save the world someday, I am telling you this now (note to God- yes, I am selfish, please don't have it be in the same way though as Jesus. Boy, I am pathetic). Andrew- my spirit. He is my noise maker, he gives me tingles, it's as if he floats through the air.
So my 3, I am so grateful for them. I believe one of the ways I can thank God is to believe and carry out His word in my life to my best ability. However, because I am pretty sure He knows who I am, I wonder if He will at least appreciate the symbols I place on my back? And, yea, yea, yea...of course, I will keep journeying toward His purpose. I've loved the journey so far.
"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts...and ye be thankful."- Colossians 3:15 KJV
Shalom.
Paula
Thursday, January 1, 2009
I am especially fond of...
Another year has quickly come to an end. As has been a tradition of my family, each year we reflect on what we have done. My boys, husband, and I sit down to make our "Top 10 List". I place it in our collection bin so we can review it along with much other memorabilia whenever we wish. I usually also compile a list of my own to reflect on which is usually not that far off from the family list.
1. 20 years with Todd. We met in the 7th grade, "dated" on 2 separate occasions before finally being serious and "going together" in September of 1988. So many amazing life experiences so far and billions more to go.
2. I competed in my first triathlon and didn't do half bad. I like the prep of biking, running, and getting back into swimming. I totally have DeAnn Seaman, long time friend, to thank for that. It didn't take much convincing but I wouldn't have done it alone. DeAnn and I quickly figured out that most people will compete in 2...one to try it and the second to try and beat the first time. Then most figure out just how insane the whole thing is. So this year will be my second and last.
3. We had a great family vacation in Hayward. Todd's family has been renting there for 2 years and this year we joined them. And so this week became an absolute reinforcement on the importance of family. The experience brought forth Jordan and my first confrontation with a bear and her cubs. We fished, water skied, told stories, danced, and played. By the end of the week, my intention of being "present" was strong.
4. I traveled with my sister Shelly, to New Orleans for V Day. It was a profoundly moving vacation on so many levels. First, to revisit New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. This wonderful city has so much history and beauty. Jazz Fest was going on. People were getting married in the streets. And The Vagina Monologues was playing for the 10 year anniversary at the stadium where post hurricane tragedy had also struck. There was certainly a lot of talk about "down there" and a lot of healing with the help of true warriors. Oh, and the red tent.
5. A recent conference to Hilton Head, South Carolina. It was helpful, professionally and personally. I love it when a conference can do that for me and my work. I no longer have that irritating shoulder pain- let me know if you want to hear that story. And as part of this past year, I grew much more aware of being green. Ending the year with this trip reaffirmed my passion for this. No street lights so they can enjoy the stars in the sky. Laws for the protection of endangered species. Buildings not higher than the trees. Vast oceans, creeks, sand, culture.
6. Family time. These are in no particular order but this should be #1. It is so neat to see these boys grow and journey through their lives from the start. I know there have been so many declarations over the past year, but 2 recent ones...Andrew states that it is just way to hard to be responsible(and not just him, this goes for any kid) for things like where he places his Ipod or webkinz because his life is just so fun and there are so many things to do, how could he possibly be able to be responsible and have fun?...Oh, are they smart! And Jordan, he declared the other day that he would like us to have a family game night (of course Todd and I determined these would be done when Jordan has found nothing else to do ) but none the less, he was able to add some family games to his collection this Christmas and we tonight just finished a long NFL Monopoly battle. And this comes as no surprise to see that when I was behind, Jordan wanted to give me stuff while Andrew ran away with the game holding over $2,000 in cash plus owned teams. Hmmm
7. I love it when I have the time to sit down and read a good book. And I would have to say these books are about trying to be a better me. So no romance or mystery. I followed the big Eckhart Tolle A New Earth Awakenings sessions with Oprah. I read One Dead In Attic after Hurricane Katrina. I was reading The Last Lecture the week Randy Pausch died. Nonviolent Communication by Rosenthal has been helping me in various aspects of life. And The Shack by Young...which is another good resource for reaffirming my belief in who my God, Spirit, and Jesus are to me.
8. New Relationships, old friends. I spent countless fun times with people. I was happy to get to know my sons' friends families. The moms at FES rock! I love the bonding my "Tuesday Talks" group at work has formed. And I continue to keep in touch with HS buds, even rekindling some years back friendships when the reunion website launched this fall.
9. Giving to those who deserve more...I know and want to be doing so much more but I am happy to have done what i have this year. That ALS event is beyond belief- Kathy Buechel does such a great job. The Clarks are terrific. Mrs. Gonring is divine. This eclectic group of women came together to raise $5000. At the shoe event, $1500. I know Haiti needs help so I have made that a priority. I was also so proud of Todd for doing his first mission trip this year.
10. Girl time...The Mom's Conference with my church lady friends. Exotic Dance class with a group of women who transformed themselves within hours. Chocolate making with wine, food, and fun. Shop. Shop. Shop.
Though 2008 also had memories of pain, I am grateful for the opportunities I was given and for the choices I was able to make. My theme picked at the beginning of 2008 was "non judgement". I certainly am not leaving 2008 an expert in the field, but the year has brought me closer to understanding judgement vs. non judgement. And, as always, the first step can simply be an awareness. It was nice to do this because I could then focus my activities around that and reflect on that word regularly.
And for this year, it's gratitude. A common "New Year's Resolution". Todd immediately wanted to know if that meant I was going to be nicer to him this year. I explained I did not think that "nice" and "gracious" were defined equally by explaining that I could be grateful I had him to do the things I need to get done...he would not say that was nice. Well, we will see how that plays out. I will start right now by saying Thank You for taking the time to stop by.
God is especially fond of you.
Paula
1. 20 years with Todd. We met in the 7th grade, "dated" on 2 separate occasions before finally being serious and "going together" in September of 1988. So many amazing life experiences so far and billions more to go.
2. I competed in my first triathlon and didn't do half bad. I like the prep of biking, running, and getting back into swimming. I totally have DeAnn Seaman, long time friend, to thank for that. It didn't take much convincing but I wouldn't have done it alone. DeAnn and I quickly figured out that most people will compete in 2...one to try it and the second to try and beat the first time. Then most figure out just how insane the whole thing is. So this year will be my second and last.
3. We had a great family vacation in Hayward. Todd's family has been renting there for 2 years and this year we joined them. And so this week became an absolute reinforcement on the importance of family. The experience brought forth Jordan and my first confrontation with a bear and her cubs. We fished, water skied, told stories, danced, and played. By the end of the week, my intention of being "present" was strong.
4. I traveled with my sister Shelly, to New Orleans for V Day. It was a profoundly moving vacation on so many levels. First, to revisit New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. This wonderful city has so much history and beauty. Jazz Fest was going on. People were getting married in the streets. And The Vagina Monologues was playing for the 10 year anniversary at the stadium where post hurricane tragedy had also struck. There was certainly a lot of talk about "down there" and a lot of healing with the help of true warriors. Oh, and the red tent.
5. A recent conference to Hilton Head, South Carolina. It was helpful, professionally and personally. I love it when a conference can do that for me and my work. I no longer have that irritating shoulder pain- let me know if you want to hear that story. And as part of this past year, I grew much more aware of being green. Ending the year with this trip reaffirmed my passion for this. No street lights so they can enjoy the stars in the sky. Laws for the protection of endangered species. Buildings not higher than the trees. Vast oceans, creeks, sand, culture.
6. Family time. These are in no particular order but this should be #1. It is so neat to see these boys grow and journey through their lives from the start. I know there have been so many declarations over the past year, but 2 recent ones...Andrew states that it is just way to hard to be responsible(and not just him, this goes for any kid) for things like where he places his Ipod or webkinz because his life is just so fun and there are so many things to do, how could he possibly be able to be responsible and have fun?...Oh, are they smart! And Jordan, he declared the other day that he would like us to have a family game night (of course Todd and I determined these would be done when Jordan has found nothing else to do ) but none the less, he was able to add some family games to his collection this Christmas and we tonight just finished a long NFL Monopoly battle. And this comes as no surprise to see that when I was behind, Jordan wanted to give me stuff while Andrew ran away with the game holding over $2,000 in cash plus owned teams. Hmmm
7. I love it when I have the time to sit down and read a good book. And I would have to say these books are about trying to be a better me. So no romance or mystery. I followed the big Eckhart Tolle A New Earth Awakenings sessions with Oprah. I read One Dead In Attic after Hurricane Katrina. I was reading The Last Lecture the week Randy Pausch died. Nonviolent Communication by Rosenthal has been helping me in various aspects of life. And The Shack by Young...which is another good resource for reaffirming my belief in who my God, Spirit, and Jesus are to me.
8. New Relationships, old friends. I spent countless fun times with people. I was happy to get to know my sons' friends families. The moms at FES rock! I love the bonding my "Tuesday Talks" group at work has formed. And I continue to keep in touch with HS buds, even rekindling some years back friendships when the reunion website launched this fall.
9. Giving to those who deserve more...I know and want to be doing so much more but I am happy to have done what i have this year. That ALS event is beyond belief- Kathy Buechel does such a great job. The Clarks are terrific. Mrs. Gonring is divine. This eclectic group of women came together to raise $5000. At the shoe event, $1500. I know Haiti needs help so I have made that a priority. I was also so proud of Todd for doing his first mission trip this year.
10. Girl time...The Mom's Conference with my church lady friends. Exotic Dance class with a group of women who transformed themselves within hours. Chocolate making with wine, food, and fun. Shop. Shop. Shop.
Though 2008 also had memories of pain, I am grateful for the opportunities I was given and for the choices I was able to make. My theme picked at the beginning of 2008 was "non judgement". I certainly am not leaving 2008 an expert in the field, but the year has brought me closer to understanding judgement vs. non judgement. And, as always, the first step can simply be an awareness. It was nice to do this because I could then focus my activities around that and reflect on that word regularly.
And for this year, it's gratitude. A common "New Year's Resolution". Todd immediately wanted to know if that meant I was going to be nicer to him this year. I explained I did not think that "nice" and "gracious" were defined equally by explaining that I could be grateful I had him to do the things I need to get done...he would not say that was nice. Well, we will see how that plays out. I will start right now by saying Thank You for taking the time to stop by.
God is especially fond of you.
Paula
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